What can be found in the ashes

I found myself with a completely free day recently, so Jim and I decided to drive two hours to visit a hot springs retreat we used to love. We'd been there maybe ten times before. Back when the area was lush with trees that had stood for thousands of years. Back when the trails were shaded and the forest felt ancient and alive.

Then a massive fire tore through a few years ago. Hundreds and hundreds of acres, gone. We hadn't had the heart to go back since. Felt too sad to see what was left.

But last week, we decided to just go. To show up and see what was still there. At least we would have done it, we told ourselves. At least we'd know.

What we expected vs. what we found

We expected devastation. A smoldering, heartbreaking mess.

What we found: the hot springs were still there. The natural sauna, heated by molten lava underground, steam rising just like it always had. Families, couples, people of all ages soaking in the warmth. The rock labyrinth where we used to sit, still intact.

We expected it to be unbearable.

What we found: it was actually pretty. Different, yes. But still beautiful. Still worth being there.

We expected to mourn what was lost.

What we found: the core pieces were still there. The energy of the place, continuously inhabited by humans for millennia, hadn't changed. It wasn’t nearly as hard as we thought. We relaxed in the sunshine and it felt good.

And guess what? I’m walking along, and there’s one of my clients who works there. We had a great hug and a chat. It’s a nice reminder that even when things have changed, connection is still possible and that it’s worth it to try. You’re welcome.

The parallel I can't stop thinking about

This is what happens in relationships, too.

Maybe something devastating happened. Betrayal, loss of desire, years of disconnection, trauma that changed everything. Maybe you haven't revisited intimacy in so long because it feels too sad. Too hard. Too much like looking at the wreckage of what used to be.

You think: It's ruined. There's no point. It'll just be heartbreaking.

But what if the things that really matter are still there?

It might not look the same. The landscape has changed. But if you're willing to show up for it, to let it be what it is now instead of grieving what it was then, you might find something beautiful waiting for you.

It wasn't as hard as we thought

That's what keeps coming back to me.

The hot springs weren't what they used to be. But they were still worth visiting. Still worth experiencing. And we had a great time!

Your relationship might not be what it used to be either. But that doesn't mean it's over. That doesn't mean there's nothing left to explore.

If it's time to revisit what you thought was lost, I work with people who are standing at the edge of what feels like devastation, wondering if there's any point in going back.

If you're ready to explore the potentially beautiful remains of what used to be, let's talk. Schedule a free call. I call them coffee chats ☕. No pressure to be or do anything. Just a conversation about what might still be there.

xoxo,

Jane